Down with the kids

Perusing all things pregnancy related on the internet (as pregnant woman tend to do), I’ve found lots of lists of things to do as you approach and then go past your due date….

Here is the real list with the addendum “when you have a couple of other kids already”:

1. Tidy something up, this nesting urge is unrelenting!
2. Leave the room you have just tidied, return to discover the kids have untidied what you just tidied. Tidy it again.
3. Try and sneak into the new babies room to pat your belly and gaze at the baby clothes, don’t let the other kids see you otherwise everything will be dragged around the house and turned upside down!
4. Re-read the sections of your pregnancy books about the onset of labour, seeking a magical key that will tell you when it is going to happen. Of course, there is no magic key, and you have read these sections over 100 times. Wonder idly whether this is how people with obsessive compulsive disorder feel?
5. Make plans for the week ahead so you have other things to focus on, but secretly fantasise about calling from hospital to say you have had a beautiful baby and can’t make it!
6. Produce your best fake smile to every person (and there are a few every day) who say “Oh - your still here!”, and “How long now?” or worse still “You don’t look like you’ve dropped at all!” At all costs avoid the urge to physically assault them, it’s a bad look in the third trimester.
7. Do yet another load of washing to make sure all your undies and pjs are clean for your “hospital bag”. Feel disappointed when, after another labour free day or night, you have to take something out of your hospital bag!
8. Take the kids through what is about to happen - “You might wake-up one morning and mummy and daddy wont be here - that’s because we’ll be at hospital having the new baby!”, watch their eyes glaze over and realise that they don’t actually believe it’s ever going to happen.
9. Feel a twinge or a really strong Braxton-Hicks, maybe it’s starting? Sit there looking optimistic for a few minutes and then realise it was nothing!
10. Run through the care arrangements for kids in your head - mother in law is out this morning but neighbour is there, double check mobile number is handy. Neighbour leaves at 11am but friend up the road should be contactable then. Test yourself on fallback plan at random times of the day, every day - just in case. This needs to happen every day from 38 weeks!
11. Consider natural remedies, maybe book in for acupuncture? Dismiss them as costly and possibly ineffective, plus if you can get someone to look after the kids long enough you may as well have a sleep! Once dismissed immediately start considering them again.

Oh - was that a twinge? No, false alarm…