Down with the kids

My pick for Best Book About Raising Kids is Dog Man by Martin McKenna. And before you ask, yes, it was written for dog owners.

Before Kids (”BK”) we got Dog. We still have Dog - he is a beautiful big black labrador, my friend, confidant and witness to life downwiththekids! Anyway, BK we had lots of time and we read Dog Man cover to cover - and implemented it carefully!

Dog Man is written by a man who was bought up by a pack of dogs on the streets of Limerick (true story…apparently). The basic premise is that your dog must be part of your pack (family) but must be in no doubt that you are the Alpha or Top Dog. It appears that dogs have not read the new management books, there is no “buy in”, “conciliation” or “Friday morning team meetings”. As far as the dog is concerned, there is a strict heirachy from Alpha down, your job as dog owner is to make sure you are at the top and that all bipeds are above all quadrapeds in this doggie caste system.

Anyway, I was reminded of this very early on with the kids. I still pull myself up - “Hang on, I’m the adult - I decide what’s for dinner/ how many cakes we eat/ when we go to bed!” Just one false move and they are straight into the power vacuum.

Big Sis’ negotiation skills astound me everyday. We have a concept in our house termed “Spmartie (Smartie) inflation”. It started out as 1 “spmartie” for a wee on the toilet, we are now up to 6 spmarties for the same trick.

On the upside she is learning to count accurately and effectively - but i’m not sure how it ends. Will she be 21, weeing on the toliet and then presenting in the kitchen for a kilo of mixed lollies?

It’s time to make a stand - I’ll keep a visual of a young Dogman tussling for a bone on the streets of Limerick and assert myself as Alpha! “No, Big Sis”, I’ll say firmly while mantaining eye contact - “I’m your mummy and I say 6 spmarties is enough”! One tip really rings true - Never let a puppy do what you don’t want a fully grown dog to do - wise words!